Thanks everyone for the well wishes. Hugs back!

Its odd. Death is so unfamiliar to me. I've only had 2 occasions to get acquainted with it, well 3 now. This one is odder then the others, less real in some ways, more so in others. My first Love has been buried. I dont know what happened. I missed the service. I found out 3 days too late. I feel guilty in some ways. I found out through mySpace - the only way we still communicated. We hung out only a few years ago. Spent the day at renfest. Spent the evening together. She was out of control but still tons of fun. Now she's gone. I dont know why or how. We hadnt talked in months, not out of spite, simply different and busy lives. Its baffling. However it happened, she beat the odds by far. They gave her 6 months to a year when we first dated, at the age of 13. The pacemaker held, despite her best attempts to destroy herself. She had two babies in the years since. Cute little ones, I have no idea what will come of them. Im a little distraught and confused. But then its a little bit like it was yesterday, because we didnt speak that often. Yet, I wont ever see her again.

R.I.P. Danielle Monique Smith - you are loved.

Take a second to watch, it definitely surprised me to hear his opinions.

If it has a funky icon just click on it to load the video.

My girlfriend and I went out and painted this morning. It was my first time using acrylics and to start me off she only let me use the three primary colors so I didnt get too caught up in trying to get the right color since my goal was to learn how to move medium around. It came out pretty good.

I decided not to paint from life, because I prefer art from my head and I get caught up when the picture looks 'wrong'. So I did a sunset from memory. It turned out terrible from a realism perspective but from simply learning to use the brushes and the thickness of the paint it was pretty good. Basically I have a mid day color sky while the water is reflecting the sun. Obviously the sky should be an orange red and the clouds should also show this part of the spectrum. But it was fun and I got comfortable w/ the paint as a whole. So I might go back into it and fix the sky, but then Im afraid I'll screw it up so maybe not.

All the same I had a really good time and I think I will pursue this hobby a little bit more. I think it was around this time last year that I got my creative itch. It's a good time of year for that. Fun stuff.

A very interesting video on a potential Unifying theory of physics.  It leave the potential for additional unrecognized forces and new dimensions/interactions of space-time.  Well worth the 20 minutes if these things are in your range of interest.

I give thanks for my health.
I give thanks for my amazing friends.
I give thanks for great conversations.
I give thanks for intriguing mental challenges.
I give thanks for acceptance.
I give thanks for inspirational music.
I give thanks for my financial well being.

I give thanks for the blessings we all receive everyday.

I give thanks.

Here is an Article:
http://www.nytimes.com/indexes/2009/03/19/technology/circuitsemail/index.html?8cir&emc=cir

And a video speech:


And a company:
http://www.betterplace.com/

about the future of industry, economics and possibly our country. If not ours, then which ever country is smart enough to take it on.

Im curious w/ the 'mystically young' effect that seems so common in western magickal circles if it applies to hearing. Any takers?

Created by Train Horns

Here is an example of societal overcompensation that is having adverse affects on the Male psyche:
http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB118782905698506010.html?


People assume that all men "have the potential for violence and sexual aggressiveness," says Peter Stearns, a George Mason University professor who studies fear and anxiety. Kids end up viewing every male stranger "as a potential evildoer," he says, and as a byproduct, "there's an overconfidence in female virtues."

As previously stated - I dont believe the intent is bad, just some of the unforeseen consequences.

Another example is showing up in educational statistics:
http://arstechnica.com/gaming/news/2009/02/keeping-violent-media-away-from-kids-could-be-a-bad-idea.ars

The article focused on how boys were falling behind in school and what educational institutions were doing to address the issue. The figures are certainly worrying, according to Tyre: "Boys get expelled from preschool at four times the rates of girls," she writes. "They are prescribed the lion's share of ADHD medication, they get most of the C's and D's in middle school, and they drop out of high school more than girls. Currently, only 43% of undergraduates in the United States are men." So what's the solution?

Very cool (unembeddable) video. Its a guest speaker at google talking about psi ability and how scientific taboos prevent study. He talks about some very interesting ways of examining the ideas. Its long but worth the watch if you are into science and psi :).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qw_O9Qiwqew

...the 4th republic of the United States of America.  May it serve to empower the self-sustainable betterment of All.

Eight random things about myself....

1. I am the last Beschen assuming my sisters end up taken their sig other's names and I do not have a son. Other references of Beschen in the world are actually a different family completely, as with us, they had the spelling changed (from something else) upon moving to the US.
2. The fastest computer I ever hacked was a 300 bps test box setup specifically as a hacker challenge.
3. I used to have long hair that I never took out of a pony tail (in public), to the point where it became a 'thing' about seeing my hair down.
4. I planned on starting a company with my best friend since 5th grade. This company was to fund our plans to take over the world and create superhuman armies to battle each other in a chess/DnD fashion (we would each have a fortress castle w/ a dungeon catacomb beneath). Phase 1 complete :).
5. I am very un-picky about food. I will enjoy eating just about anything. Dont ask me to taste test my answer will be oh that is really good :).
6. My first word was Eat
7. I've actually played 1st edition DnD, and played all the way up until 3.5 (probably would again if there was a local group)
8. my favorite cooking utensil is a single chopstick. I use it for most things I cook.

Finally its signed!  This contract has been such a headache but it is finally signed, sealed, and filed.  New we just have to execute it in time.  I have faith we will succeed.  Now I just have to worry about taxes and Q1 contract terms.  Sweet.

I give Thanks supporting spirits!

BE AWARE:

If you are in Philadelphia, PA   and you click the box  for Obama,  and then  click  straight  Democratic    ticket,  it will  cancel out your vote for Obama.  No one is quite sure  why,  but it's happening . I  just talked to  the Obama campaign ,  and they are urging folks either to  just vote straight  Democratic  ticket ,   or to  choose each  candidate individually-  but not both.  Please  Digg and  spread this piece of information  to  anyone  widely. My understanding is there are Obama folks in Philly trying to  work through this problem,    but please let  anyone who might be voting know as well. Sorry  for the shortness of this diary ,  but I  just  wanted to  get the word out there.


http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/11/4/122548/529/386/652522

I need to take a moment to vent.  Work is an asshole.  We are working with this VC driven CEO to deliver a critical software solution to their company.  Thankfully we are 1 step away from the VC's but there is still sufficient pressure to perform in excess on rediculous timelines.  This turns up the heat.  So everyone rushes around and then we wait for answers or information then we have to rush rush rush.  Its annoying at best.

Today we are approximately 3 days from penning a deal with them that will essentially lock up the remainder of the year and then some.  This is awesome but terrifying.  This is our first contract that will put money specifically at risk by deadlines.  So far we 'deal' under pressure.  And when it comes to deadlines and such we really shine but it wears on the group as a whole.  Its not an environment I foresee us operating in successfully for long.  And then there is money...

Money is goofy right now for us.  We have now shifted from an over 70% IT revenue stream to a 60+/40- Software/IT revenue stream with a future looking more like 90/10.  It means extremely different operating parameters.  Our cash flow goes from 1-2 month delay to 25% upfront then 5 month variable delay depending on the size of the project and exact terms.  This makes my job extremely difficult because I have to make sure we can pay our ever increasing expenses as well as our selves. 

It was easy before, I could do it in my sleep and literally had most of our financials and budgetary numbers memorized.  I could see the whole picture and predict bottlenecks and issues.  I could stop the heart attacks before they started.  Now the structure is somewhat convoluted and there is a higher variance in the financial flow from one section to another.  This make predicting difficult but it also increases our risk significantly.  One slight miscalculation or even just environmental (higher then expected taxes, slower then expected client) dangers could literally starve us.  And thats all on me. Fun! 

Actually it is fun b/c our structure is alive and moving and just when I thought I figured it out its now changed into an entirely new puzzle.  And now that I've put all my stresses out into the inter-aether-verse-web I realize that this is great.  I mean yeah stress, but w/o a little fear and some unknowns Id definitely get completely bored.  And in the end who cares?  Whats lost if it ends badly?  Nothing much.  Times change things change and this situation will one day change too.  So why not enjoy it.  Ride it like Im living to love life and see where I end up.  Stress and fear never served a life lived well so why let it get in the way, thats all it'd achieve. 

Ah I love a good rant. Much better :).

Hugs all.

A really quick post because I thought this was cool.

"An international team of cosmologists, leaded by a researcher from Paris Observatory, has improved the theoretical pertinence of the Poincaré Dodecahedral Space (PDS) topology to explain some observations of the Cosmic Microwave Background (CMB)."

http://weirdnews4u.blogspot.com/2008/10/poincar-dodecahedral-space-model-gains.html

The Dodecahedron is given the elemental correspondence of Spirit.

http://www.arcanology.com/2002/04/03/mathematical-magick/

I find it very fitting that the shape of our universe should reflect the sacred geometry of spirit.  Or is it the other way around? Perhaps both.